Giving Away My Baby

The Wedding is Days Away....

Welcome to February with that “love is in the air” Valentine’s thing it has going on. It has made me think a lot about what’s happening in my love lives. Yes, lives. With apologies to my spouse, I must admit my kids take up a huge piece of the room in my heart – they grew it to the size it is after all. So as my youngest gets closer and closer to her March 1 wedding date, one of the loves of my life is moving on.

To be sure, Doug, my darling husband, is THE love of my life. He’s my rock, my second half, my partner (on and off the dance floor). We fell in love and married with the assumption that we’d be “us” forever – kind of what ‘til death means, right? So here we are getting ready to take a significant next step in our relationship with our baby, Brittany.

Parenthood is all about love. How else could we survive what we experience with, for, and because of our kids? It takes heart to go from one crisis to the next for DECADES. And we do it all with the full expectation that they’ll break up with us in the end. It’s actually a parental goal to be left behind by our kids. All good in theory. But I can tell you, being days away from the last time our daughter will share our family name, I’m a bit shaken.

Brittany is ready to become Mrs. “someone else.” She won’t be “my” Brittany Hyde much longer. My husband has recognized the significance of her name change from the beginning. He’s the last of his Hydes and would love Brittany to carry on. While understanding Doug’s perspective and commiserating with him on the subject, I kind of filed his angst in the male ego drawer. Now I’m realizing that Brittany by deed AND name is going to be first and foremost a full-on adult, married woman and my “baby” second. “Second” sounds so unfamiliar.

It’s just another of those innumerable parenting moments where your heart gets broken because everything is going exactly as it should. Brittany and I have had a very close relationship over the years. We’ve never really had a period where she “left me behind” as I expected she, appropriately, would.

Brittany is our last of four – and spoiled luckily not rotten. Her siblings dubbed her the princess (she STILL can’t stand it when they tease her). She’s quite a bit younger than her siblings so she and I had significant one-on-one time. To include a forty minute commute to and from school. Amazing what you can get kids to talk about in a car! Even having left home a few years ago, Brittany stays in touch and still asks for my opinion and guidance. Big mom blush.


I fully expected Brittany to do the whole separation thing complete with the sporadic hating on mama thing. Just about every mom/daughter pair that I’ve ever known has gone through it. I was so sure it would happen, that I found myself waiting for some rebellion to rise up during her wedding planning process. Even though I know we’ll still text and chat, her marriage is a milestone for all of us. I can now say the wedding planning process has been very enjoyable even though the end result is painful.

It is like giving birth all over again to give her away to a husband. We’re saying goodbye to baby Hyde and hello to the newest Mrs. in the family. All the “stuff” we’ve been ordering for the wedding has Mr. and Mrs. all over it. To include, in the spirit of a Florida wedding, golf tees, sunscreen, and water bottles. Doug practically has had to learn Lamaze breathing himself to handle all these name change reminders.


So we are counting down to the big party. The golf outing is set and spa reservations are in the works for our "Refresh and Renew Before They Say I Do" time with aunts and grandmas. RSVPs are starting to roll in and rooms at the hotel are booking fast. Doug bought a new tuxedo shirt and tie. I have a final fitting for my dress and am stressed over those few remaining holiday pounds. All in a year’s work toward a wedding….


My favorite text conversation with Brittany this past month sums it up for me:

Brit: Just mailed the invitations…
Me: OMG. Now you're committed.
Brit: Good!
Mom: It will be a great party!


It better be – and not because of the money and time we’ve put into it. I’m sending off a greatest love, and I want it to be a celebration worthy of life’s significant relationships. Parent-child, mom-dad, newlyweds. Happy tears!

And happy parenting love to you!

Is Mine an Einstein?

I'm thrilled to share the great information we gather at FAMILY Magazine from our child and parenting experts.  Read on for an informative overview of how to identify a gifted child and how to best foster a student's talents.

Identifying the Gifted Child

By Susan Gold, MEd & Robert Gold, ESQ

We hear and read of gifted artists, gifted athletes, even gifted speakers without making too much of it. “Gifted” is part of the everyday vernacular.

Use of the word “gifted” to describe a child of high academic or intellectual ability, however, prompts visceral, heated reactions, charges of elitism and a number of stereotypes grounded more in myth than reality. Here is a glimpse at gifted education with an emphasis on the early childhood years.

Who Is a Gifted Learner?

To effectively identify young gifted learners, multiple criteria are used, including both subjective and objective measures. Such measures include achievement and ability testing, teacher observations and parent questionnaires.

An IQ score of 130 or higher—approximately the top 2 percent of test-takers on the WPPSI, WISC or other similar aptitude test—is a commonly used benchmark for entrance into gifted and talented programs. Current research indicates that IQ is malleable, particularly in young children, as their brains undergo rapid physiological development. A child generally cannot, however, obtain an IQ score of 140 just by having a “good day.”

Do too many “pushy” parents claim their children are gifted? Not necessarily. Parents are usually accurate in evaluating their child’s intellectual abilities. From time to time, parents underestimate their child’s giftedness, especially in the case of a first-born child. Oftentimes, it is only when the child enters preschool and quickly exhausts the available learning materials that a bell goes off.

Things to Watch For

In a typical classroom (with same-age peers of widely varying intellectual ability and academic readiness), young gifted students often downplay their talents to fit in. Therefore, gifted learners’ placement within an intellectual peer group is critical, not only for their intellectual growth, but for their emotional well-being. They prefer friends with similar mental age rather than chronological, seeking close, stable and trusting friendships over mere playmates early on.

Young gifted learners often exhibit perfectionist tendencies. Generations of well-intentioned teachers have unwittingly reinforced these tendencies by offering academically gifted children praise such as, “Wow, you got 100% and finished so quickly. Great job!” In the care of well-trained teachers who consistently praise effort, strategy and resilience, however, these children can view their perfectionism in a positive light, celebrating accomplishments with an understanding that “mistakes” are inevitable in the process of mastering new, appropriately challenging skills and material.

Myth vs. Reality

Proponents of mixed-ability classrooms argue that having one or two gifted students in a class elevates the entire class’ performance, as the gifted students serve as role models, provide challenge and help teach other students.

In reality, average or below-average students do not look to gifted students as role models; teachers do. Similarly, gifted students benefit from classroom interactions with peers at similar performance levels.

Dr. James Kulik of the University of Michigan found that highly talented students achieve more when taught in specialized, enriched classes—rather than regular, mixed-ability classes—gaining on average 1.4 to 1.5 years on a grade-equivalent scale in the same period during which control children of initially equivalent intelligence gain only one year. Kulik noted that teachers of enriched and accelerated classes often have special training for work with gifted and talented students.

One of the nation’s foremost experts on gifted education, Dr. Tracy Cross of The College of William and Mary, puts it this way: “Amazing things happen when you get a critical mass of intellectually gifted students together with a faculty who wants to work with them.”

Susan Gold, M.Ed., and Robert Gold, Esq., are director and executive director of Feynman School, a nonprofit, independent school for academically gifted children in Bethesda, Maryland.

RESOURCES

National Association for Gifted Children, supporting the needs of high-potential learners

Virginia Association for the Gifted, supporting gifted education

“An Analysis of the Research on Ability Grouping,” 1992, Dr. James A. Kulik, University of Michigan

Business Break…The Economy Matters to All of Us!

As the Publisher of a Magazine that caters to DC parents for over 20 years, I've come to really appreciate how smart and informed our readers are. We in DC, more than other areas of the country, truly live and breathe what is going on with the Federal budget.  

I wanted to share what I consider great news for all of us - as a small business owner and a parent in the region, I know about being buffeted by the economy. I really believe that with this new two year budget in place, our readers should be encouraged.

Here's my take on the budget - I an certain our readers will: 

• Feel a renewed sense of stability
• Invest in their child's education
• Invest in their child's enrichment
• Have confidence in personal careers and income

Parents are going to want to invest in their children and will feel more confident to spend their income.

Here are some facts to back up my claims. The market in the Washington, DC area is poised for significant growth. Our readers and our advertisers will benefit from this. 2014 is going to be an exciting year for all of us.

Unemployment rates -

Washington region counties have declined up to 1.6% (national rate of decline is 0.6%)

19 out of 22 counties have a lower unemployment rate than 2 years ago.

Bureau of Labor Statistics Unemployment Details

Income in DC area - 

Income in our area increased 23.3% between 2000 and 2012. Nationally median household incomes dropped. The Washington, D.C. metro area — which includes the surrounding suburbs in Maryland, Virginia and West Virginia — ranks highest in income among the U.S.’s 25 most populous metro areas.

This article from the Wall Street Journal details the income statistics in our area.

Housing prices on the rise in DC area -

Our home prices went up 4% in November alone. We are back to peak levels with competitive bidding taking place in many home purchases.

S&P Case - Shiller Home Price Indices

Inventory of houses -

The inventory of available houses (new listings) jumped 13% in our region this summer.  A greater inventory means more opportunity for sales and people are jumping back into the real estate market.

This article by Forbes details the movement in our housing industry.  

Welcome to 2014 – for Better or Worse?

All told, 2013 has had its challenges. Professionally - I, along with most small business owners, have worked harder than ever to make up for the economic challenges we’re facing (overcoming!). Personally - my youngest is getting married next year, so my 2013 has seen a lot of check writing, compromising, and ultimately backseat taking (not my favorite position when my ever-so-helpful opinions are right there on the tip of my tongue).
So I’ll admit that as I wrap up 2013, I’m not waxing sentimental about saying goodbye to this year. Maybe I’m, ahem, old enough to be over the false hopes of new year = new start.

Come January first, I plan to show up for 2014 with the best intentions. I want to join the positive, enthusiastic crowd. The first of the year is an opportunity to renew our commitment to do better, to do more, to change. Making the decision to TRY is what starts us in a positive direction.

So I’m trying. The challenges of past years don’t vaporize as you ring in that New Year. While we’re drinking champagne and pretending we know the words to Auld Lang Syne, things look pretty rosy. The problem is we haven’t popped a cork yet, and I fear I am already in the trees of the forest of best intentions.

That’s not okay with me. Next year brings a big celebration for our family! Brittany’s wedding is the Hyde event of the decade, and we’re adding a great new son-in-law to the family. We have been planning for the go date of March 1 for over a year now. My first 2014 resolution has to be to make the final two-month wedding push a positive and enjoyable experience for my family – and me!

So, to make that happen, here is what I drafted for my original to-do list:

• Not gripe when my loving husband puts his foot down and makes me stick to our budget. 
• Not tell my daughter how her wedding should look, smell, be recorded, or be scheduled. 
• Not complain when family members tell me they cannot make the big event. 
• Not be hard on myself about those last five pounds before the final fitting for my dress. 
• Not worry about every last detail – no matter how earth shattering (in my mind). 

I quickly noted the “nots”. I hadn’t created a to-do list. I had a not-to-do list. Having read somewhere that negative resolutions don’t work, I set about writing a second draft. My positive, enjoyable list needed to be more, well, positive and enjoyable.

Second shot:

• Respect the money – and the man who shares my checkbook (and who may possibly have a healthier perspective on how much one should pay for fondant flowers). 
• Realize that my full-grown daughter has been planning HER wedding for two decades. I can trust her to make the best decisions and keep myself in check for two short months. 
  
• Send video snippets of the wedding to friends and family unable to make the trip. The wedding is not a “must be present to win” proposition. 
• Five pounds? I’m a grandma. I need a lap upon which to plop the little ones. 
• About those nagging details…in the history of weddings, has there ever been one without a hitch? Do what we can ahead of time, laugh off what shoulda/coulda been done after the fact. 

So that’s my first sixth of the year – the rest of the year, I resolve to really look beyond myself and my “stuff.” I am so lucky to have such a great family, such wonderful children and a truly fantastic husband. I work with great people who do wonderful work and pull together to create FAMILY Magazine.

So all to-do lists aside, my Resolution is to value my friends, co-workers and family and to show them how important they are to me. I will hug my children more often, kiss my grandkids ‘til they object and dance with my husband every chance he gives me.

Life is good, life is grand. It is going to be a positive, enjoyable year!

I wish you the same! Happy Parenting in 2014!

Brenda

Guest Blogger - A way to fertility young or old

I am very happy to share a guest blog with my followers. Lauren Haring does such inspirational work with young cancer patients who want to ensure they can have children in the future.

Enjoy,

Brenda

Delaying Pregnancy

By Lauren Haring, RN, BS, ASN

An increasing number of women are delaying childbearing until later in life, whether by personal choice or due to medical reasons. However, fertility declines with age, especially after age 35, as part of the natural aging process. Unfortunately this cannot be reversed, but technology now exists that allows women to make a conscious decision and preserve their fertility until they are ready to have children. In essence, this offers a woman the ability to ignore her biological clock and focus on her career, finding Mr. Right or fighting a life-threatening illness.

Benefits include more time and flexibility to decide when to have a family, improved chances of conception with a woman’s own eggs in the future and even a small modicum of power when facing a disease that could possibly render a woman sterile through treatments such as chemotherapy and/or radiation. This predicts that a woman in her 40s would significantly improve her chances of a successful pregnancy if she were to use eggs that were frozen when she was in her 20s or 30s.

Not every woman is a good candidate for egg freezing. Diagnostic testing should be performed in the early part of the menstrual cycle including blood tests and a transvaginal ultrasound to assess ovarian reserve. A reproductive endocrinologist reviews the results, and the physician creates an individualized treatment plan. Once a cycle is coordinated, a woman will take fertility medications to stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple mature eggs in a single cycle. Frequent office visits are required over an 8- to 12-day period to monitor the progress and determine adjustments to the medication prior to scheduling the egg retrieval. It is an outpatient procedure done in the office under anesthesia, and most women return to work or their normal activities the following day.

This advancement in medicine has brought new hope to those diagnosed with many different forms of cancer, with the largest group being breast cancer patients. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Some may not have families yet or even be married, but they’re facing treatments that might not allow them to take that journey. This is where egg freezing can help take the pressure off and allow a woman to focus on the emotional and physical goal of getting well without having to worry about their future fertility. They can concentrate on getting through their cancer treatments knowing their eggs are safe and sound until they’re through the battle and ready to use them.

Many women think of egg freezing as an insurance policy that allows them to breathe a little easier and not regret the reasons they have to delay creating or adding to their family. While there are no guarantees that a frozen egg will lead to a future pregnancy and live birth, taking control and being proactive can increase a woman’s overall chances for a child later in life.

Lauren Haring, RN, BS, ASN, graduated from the University of Florida and began her career at GIVF in 2004 after graduating from nursing school. She is currently working to provide fertility preservation services for patients undergoing cancer treatment.

Guest Blogger - Love to Share the Knowledge!

I am very happy to share a guest blog with my followers. Here are some tips on how to choose a preschool from Diane Stata-Heintz with the Children in the Shoe. (www.thechildrenintheshoe.com)

Enjoy,

Brenda

Eenie, Meenie … A Better Way to Choose a Preschool

By Diane Stata-Heintz

Selecting a preschool is an important decision. You are entrusting this school to help your child develop a love of learning and prepare your child for the demands of primary school. With so many preschools to choose from, it can be difficult to wade through all the options.

Start by touring as many preschools as possible to get a feel for the different philosophies. It’s important to see a center in action. You may go in thinking a Montessori program is what you want and come out thinking you are more in line with a play-based program. Your “parental gut” should be the ultimate barometer on which preschool will be right for your child and your family.

Keep these questions and tips in mind when vetting a preschool:

• Is there an emphasis on social and emotional development? Social and emotional skills are what most affect school adjustment. A child who is confident can work independently, regulate emotions, interact positively with peers, problem solve, follow directions and communicate wants and needs; it is this child who will have a more successful entrance into primary school than children who do not build their social and emotional skills at the preschool level. Eenie, Meenie … A Better Way to Choose a Preschool

• What does the classroom look like? Are there many different “interest areas?” Are they distinct from one another? A well-intentioned preschool will have many ways to play, such as a dramatic play area, block area, library, writing center, science corner and more. Children need choices to address their individual learning styles and temperaments.

• Does the classroom showcase the children’s artwork? Doing this lets the kids know their work is important and meaningful. Also, look for diversity in the artwork. For example, if a child draws a picture of a face and puts an eye where the mouth would go, that’s okay! If a child chooses to put only a nose on a face, that’s okay too. He is a minimalist! This reflects a child’s individual creativity and learning style. Remember that it is about the process, not the finished product!

• Is the preschool’s curriculum creative and emergent? A creative and emergent approach to curriculum allows teachers to design lessons around the children’s interests. When children are engaged, they are excited, curious and intensely involved in learning experiences that are meaningful to them.

• Get the preschool directory and call a few of the parents. A beautiful website and marketing materials do not make an excellent preschool. A few referrals from existing parents are priceless!

Ask yourself what overall skills are important for your child to have to be successful in school? Here are some skills and traits that are important to me as a parent:

• Be a good friend
• Confidence
• Perseverance
• Regulate emotions
• Creative and humorous
• Love learning
• Think critically

Whichever preschool you choose, make sure you are comfortable communicating with the directors of the center and the teachers in the classroom. Communication in the parent-teacher partnership is key to your child’s early development!

Diane Stata-Heintz is executive director at The Children in the Shoe Child Care Centers and Preschools. She lives in Chevy Chase with her husband, Jon Heintz, and their three young children.

Find the Meaning for your Season

How much is enough?

Every holiday season we are given the “opportunity” to buy gifts, or cards, or both for all those important people in our lives. I know, “opportunity” may seem like a stretch, but when I think about it, I really am grateful to be able to gift my love and thanks to all the important people in my life.

The problem is our “opportunity” to give becomes “pressure” to perform with all those BUY, BUY, BUY messages that inundate us at this time of year. I’m not naïve, I know what makes the economy turn and grow. I’m a small business owner after all. Our shopping and spending really does make a difference.

So maybe it’s a balance issue? I’m pretty sure something has to give for me. I get so stressed out this time of year - along with what has to be the vast majority of Americans. And I have to say, parents have the distinction of topping the max-stress list! The solution we often hear is to downsize gift giving. But I wonder if fewer gifts is really the answer to our holiday pressure problem.

It hit me recently when my husband forwarded me an email he normally would consider “spam.” Since Doug, in over thirty years of marriage, has effectively never sent me such an email, I clicked on it at once. I’m glad I did. His email made me realize that all my holiday to-do’s were not necessarily the issue, it was my attitude toward them.

The email included the slide show (YouTube link below) - I summarized it in this blog so you can skip the video....  It's a mix of breathtaking photos, appealing music, and a message so appropriately simple, I wondered how I didn’t just “know” the truth of it already.



“If you could fit the entire population of the world into a village consisting of 100 people, that village would consist of:

57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 Americans (North, Central and South)
8 Africans

6 would possess 59% of the wealth, and they would all come from the USA.
80 would live in poverty.
50 would suffer from hunger and malnutrition
1 would own a computer
1 (yes, only one) would have a university degree

If you currently have money in the bank, in your wallet and a few coins in your purse, you are one of 8 of the privileged few amongst the 100 people in the world.

If you have a full fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are wealthier than 75% of the world’s population.”

The message closes with “If someone sent you this message, you’re extremely lucky, because someone is thinking of you, and because you don’t comprise one of those 2 billion people who can’t read.”

It’s the rare “spam” email where its only agenda is to make you think. The presentation lays it out for us: we are lucky. So very lucky. Just reading this magazine means your day is a success (we work hard to make it a great read, but that’s not so much the point here!).

I want to hold on to my awareness of ALL I have as I start to shop and stress along with everyone else this season. I plan to buy gifts and will inevitably buy too many - like always. I’ll just be bringing a new perspective to the party. I have nothing to prove, the stuff doesn’t matter – my gifts will be my way to share the bounty, the luck, we enjoy in this country.

So join me in counting your blessings this holiday season? I’ll go first…I have a great family. Four wonderful, healthy children (and their children!). A husband I adore – who loves me right back (and takes me dancing quite often!). A successful business staffed with great folks. My list could go on and on.

As I was preparing to write my blog this month, I looked back over the December issues of years past to see what I had to say in my previous holiday blogs. And what do you know, two years ago I wrote about a wonderful trip my husband and I took with our youngest daughter and her then “boyfriend.” I’m smug in the knowledge that even then I thought this boyfriend might be “the one.” And he was/is! So to my list of things to be thankful for this holiday season, I add my future son-in-law who is a very outstanding young man.

It’s such a great feeling to be exhausted by the sheer number of reasons to be thankful! I wish you the same exhausting holiday experience!

‘Til 2014 - also known as the year of Brittany’s wedding in my circles….

Brenda

New Traditions Won't Replace the Old

November is the beginning of the season when we celebrate important family traditions. We all have family traditions - good or bad, on purpose or on accident. They don't have to be handed down for generations to have meaning. Some traditions happen because Mama said so and others just evolve over the years.

Many of the traditions in my family came about because we discovered something we all enjoyed. If we enjoyed it the first time, it only made sense to adopt it as a tradition. Our family traditions have always enriched our lives, strengthened the relationships with our children, and created great memories.

Traditions also seem to bond us together as communities. This year, our American tradition of Thanksgiving comes at an opportune time. With the “non-traditional” way the government has been behaving lately, sitting down to share our turkey dinner with literally millions of our fellow Americans may be just what we need. We kind of wrap those special meal times around us – they feed so much more than our stomachs.

Traditions are just comfortable. Kids, even more than adults, count on traditions to carry them through the seasons. Even as the oldest of our kids (especially those teenagers) can’t seem to keep track of time, every toddler understands exactly what it means to have a birthday coming up in XX number of days!

I’m not naïve – I know traditions shift and change as kids get older. At a certain age, the birthday party may be negotiated for a bigger/better present (usually one that plugs in…). Even as a tradition is left behind, it doesn’t lose its meaning. Reading to your kids every night is just as important to the four year old who looks forward to it as to the teenager who looks back on it fondly.

This Holiday season will be the first we will celebrate without my beloved mother-in-law who passed away this year. I know our whole family is going to be embracing those long held traditions that she passed down with extra vigor. She will be there with us in spirit as we make her famous sugar cookies and share stories of all the previous years when she was covered in flour along with the rest of us!

I’m okay with traditions that don’t seem to be, well, very traditional. While we love pulling out our Christmas ornaments made with love by kids long grown up, we also have an annual tradition of scuba diving. Odd as it may seem, it’s something that makes us who we are as a family.

My husband and I grew up in the landlocked Midwest so scuba diving is a tradition we picked up as adults. We were both avid swimmers growing up and spent a lot of time at the lake where both families had vacation homes. We learned how to water-ski at a young age. Doug was a competitive swimmer, and I was a lifeguard. So scuba might not seem so far fetched….

It was when our family moved to Virginia that we started scuba diving. Now we have several serious divers in our family, our oldest daughter is an instructor, our youngest daughter is a master diver. And now we’re into the third generation - my grandson got his certification not too long ago.

For the past several years, we have had the tradition of a family dive trip in late summer or early fall. Our trips have been all over the Caribbean and the Florida Keys. We even swam with the sharks this past year. What some people do for fun, right? This year however, we broke our tradition and did not take a family dive trip. We are saving all our travel up for the big wedding on March 1, 2014 when our youngest daughter Brittany will be taking the first steps in building traditions for her new family.

And, in the long-standing tradition of daughter’s weddings, I FINALLY found my perfect “mother of the bride” dress. Truly something to be thankful for! I’ll admit it was a six-month ordeal, and I’m so happy it is finally over. The problem is that as soon as my husband and daughter gave the dress their blessings, I realized I now have to start shopping for shoes.

I guess traditions have their burdens – but working for it means a tradition is all the more meaningful when you share it with your loved ones!

‘Til December, Happy Parenting!

The “Perfect” Storm

I just went through one of those perfect storms in the course of two short weeks.

• We moved our FAMILY office. Exciting, but SO MUCH work!
• In between offices, we met all the deadlines for this issue of FAMILY Magazine.
• My beloved mother-in-law lost her battle with cancer.

I fully realize how complicated the relationship with a mother-in-law can be. I have heard story after story of the mother-in-law from “down under.” As mothers, we can relate to wanting to hang on to our little boys. That whole letting go thing is never easy.

I count myself among the luckiest daughters-in-law. Ever. I strive to be the mother-in-law that Doug’s mom Tudy was to me. She was such a great lady and much loved by everyone on all sides of our family.

Tudy was her nickname. Mildred was her given name. When she was born, her older brother could not say Mildred, and he called her Tudy. The name stuck – it certainly fit her better than Mildred. She was just as happy, loving and fun as the name Tudy sounds.

Tudy and I hit it off right from the beginning and developed a strong friendship over the years. After all we both loved my husband and wanted his life to be filled with joy and happiness. Our friendship is what I will miss the most.

One of my fondest memories came not long after we met. During a visit, Tudy and I were having a great conversation one evening when my husband announced he was going to bed. Tudy and I chatted well into the night. Doug wasn’t sure what to do with us the next morning. He may have been a bit jealous that his two “women” were leaving him out or maybe he was worried he was the primary topic of our girl talk.

Tudy’s fun loving approach to life doesn’t mean she had it easy. Doug’s father died suddenly and left her a widow at fifty. It was the year before Doug and I married – so I’ve been lucky to be part of Tudy’s clan for over 30 years! We even tried (unsuccessfully) to get Tudy to come live closer to us many times over the years.

Tudy didn’t need us to keep her company – she was born and raised in Newton, Kansas and had no desire to leave. She had so many great friends there. She was an award winning bowler. She made quilts and was such a great seamstress; she even made her share of wedding dresses over the years. She also loved to play bridge. In typical Tudy style, her bridge group was famous not for cards, but for its annual steak cookout. Never a tired moment. In addition to friends and activities, Tudy lived surrounded by family – nieces, nephews, grand and great-grandkids.

After Tudy had spent ten years on her own, she married Don. The perfect match for the second act of her life. Our youngest, Brittany, was her attendant in their wedding. Tudy and Brittany adored each other. Sadly, Tudy’s goal was to make it to Brittany’s wedding in March 2014. She will be there in spirit and fondly remembered by all.

Don treated Tudy like a queen. Retired from the Marines and Army, he’s a hard worker and lives life to the fullest. We loved to travel with Don and Tudy. We have so many great memories of our trips and adventures. We had hoped for one more trip. A safari to Africa. Given that none of us is afraid of the outdoors or wild things, it would have been a wonderful experience.

Tudy fought cancer for three long, difficult years. She never gave up and had Don at her side, supporting her in so many ways. It saddens me to know how disappointed she was to realize she would miss Brittany’s wedding.

Brittany was en route from Florida to say goodbye to Tudy and was able to talk to her one last time by phone. Even in her struggle, Tudy almost burst out laughing when she realized Brittany was on the line.

Being a part of Tudy’s family has given me so much joy and pleasure. Tudy taught me to enjoy the moment, find the positive in all people and to decide what I want in life and go after it. She also passed down our famous tradition of baking cookies for the kids on their first day of school each year.

Sadly this year, the back to school cookies didn’t happen in the midst of my “perfect storm.” I’m thinking of heading to the kitchen to make a special batch just for Tudy. We use her recipes for our holiday cookies as well so she’ll still take center stage at that party.

We’ll mourn and appreciate Tudy in equal parts these next few months. We’ll support Don who’s life has a physical as well as an emotional void created by Tudy’s absence. We’ll also never forget the lessons she’s taught us. Starting with embracing the inevitable storms – even if we can appreciate them only after they’ve passed…

My Mom Blog - September 2013

Fresh Cookies

The first day of school is so much fun. The moms’ excitement, the kids’ trepidation, the heavy sigh we breathe once we close the door on the relative quiet in our homes. The first day of school really is an experience not repeated later in life. Except for the sainted teachers who greet our kids at their classroom door, most of our jobs are year round and not exactly ripe with brand new starts. 

I have to admit, I cried every fall when I sent my kids off. It was important to me – my kids were growing up, facing new challenges, learning, growing. Yes, they did all those things every day, but milestones like the first day of school deserve special attention. This year, my youngest is celebrating a significant milestone of her own – getting married! I can only imagine the crying jag I’ll take on that occasion!

Kids grow up so fast it’s nice to mark milestones with traditions that make those passing memories extra special. After all, what we carry with us are the memories - so let’s make sure it’s happy baggage.

Our family’s back to school tradition was fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. Our regular readers may well remember hearing me talk about the cookies - I think I have written about those chocolate chip cookies in the magazine every year for the past 22 years. I only hope my kids remember that tradition as fondly as I obviously do!

Every year, I strategized to be sure the cookie dough was ready and waiting when I picked the kids up at school. By the time they unpacked and washed up, I could have the cookies out of the oven and on to their waiting plates.

By the time my son hit middle school, I found myself making three batches. Between him and dad every single morsel was consumed. My husband Doug looked forward to that first day of school just like the kids – chocolate chip is his favorite!

It was great fun to slide the hot cookies off the baking sheets. I’m thinking it’s not a coincidence the kids often gave me new cookie sheets for Christmas. I choose to believe they bought me cookware because they knew I loved a good cooking tool and not because they wanted to ensure a regular supply of cookies.

They were right about me loving to cook, but it wasn’t the cooking I found rewarding. Watching the kids snatch up the hot cookies and pop them in their mouths was worth all the effort. I made sure they had plenty of cold milk in front of them – patiently waiting for a cookie to cool is not part of typical childhood.

As much as the kids looked forward to the cookies, I looked forward to our time together. I loved hearing the new school stories. They freely shared updates on all their friends and talked about what they loved the most about the new year. I remember how wonderful the house smelled all afternoon and well into dinner. A lingering celebration.

To be sure Doug got his share of the treat, I always set aside a half dozen or so cookies on a plate

hidden above the refrigerator. Then after the kids were finished with dinner and working on homework in the other room, I would pull the plate down so my husband could enjoy his fresh cookies with some vanilla ice cream before bed.

As much as we all loved those homemade chocolate chip cookies, I often wonder why I seldom made them at other times during the year. I guess I was preserving the cookies’ special back-to-school status. We had other treats to be sure. There was homemade angel food cake every so often and many spice cakes (Doug’s absolute favorite). I loved making spaghetti and lasagna, and the kids loved eating them, but chocolate chip cookies retained their day of honor. That one special day when together we launched a new school year full of promise, anticipation and the joy of learning new things.

As you consider your own special back-to-school traditions, I’d recommend the simply elegant chocolate chip cookie. As we reach that first day of school 2013, I toast all of you (and especially my grown children) with a glass of cold milk as I wait for the hot cookies fresh from the oven.